Improving air quality" in our neck of the woods

In our series of "How to... in Rugby" we proudly present:

"Improving air quality" in our neck of the woods."

As long ago as 1999, after years of refusing to take any notice of repeated reports of dust, smells of sulphur, low lying plumes, toxic clouds, the local pollution officers finally caved in, and put one air quality monitor in the place least likely to record any highs, a mile south of the apparent polluting industry. After two intentionally fruitless years and heaving a collective sigh of relief, they - being RBC, Rugby Cement and the Environment Agency - abandoned the low-reading monitors, delightedly declaring all is well. "Didn't catch a thing!"

But the Public of Rugby are not going to take being polluted lying down, as it were, and they rose up again, with one voice, singing songs of dust storms, snow-like coverings, black smoke, fumes and plumes, until as many monitors were acquired as blackbirds baked in a pie. With shock and horror the stunned officials observed as one after another the monitors started to ring alarm bells, or would have if they had have been fitted! "We can't have this!" cried shocked officials. "2003 is a bad year for pollution. The weather is against us. Quick! Recalibrate the instruments".

And so it came to pass that the monitors were recalibrated, and recalibrated, and recalibrated, until that long-awaited glorious moment one miraculous morn in 2005 it was revealed that not only is Rugby the cleanest place in the world, but that the lowest reading monitors were sited due east of the cement works. People came from far and wide to admire this amazing phenomenon - a dust-free, pollution-free cement works, where prevailing winds have no influence. It reads just like a fairy story.

Next week in our "How to ...in Rugby" series we have "Hiding environmental information."